You may have heard that the great state of Illinois is in need of a new U.S. senator. Something about one of their current ones having to move to a big house in Washington, D.C. So it's up to the Prairie State's governor, Rod Blagojevich, to stop defending himself from charges that that's not his real hair and appoint someone to fill out the remainder of the vacant term.
Well, if I was Illinois governor, I know exactly what I'd do. I'd pick up the phone and say, "Oprah, the job is yours if you want it."
No, I'm not kidding. If you say someone shouldn't be Illinois senator just because she is a celebrity, I would counter with the little fact that California has, in my lifetime, had two governors who basically got the position based on their Hollywood credentials. And for goodness sakes, Al Franken has apparently missed becoming Minnesota's senator by a couple of hundred votes; his only political credentials are being a celebrity and a second-tier one at that. I'll no doubt be blasted for writing that by people who think I'm too generous calling Franken's fame "second-tier."
And look what's in it for Oprah. She gets to be near the guy she helped reach the Oval Office. She will easily be the biggest star among the 535 people in Congress. (That would be true even if Hillary Clinton had declined to be secretary of state and remained in the Senate.) Plus, Oprah's been at her present gig for a long time now; she may be getting tired and want to try something new. Her ratings have been dropping as more and more people turn to Ellen for their daytime talk. This wouldn't be a bad time to get out of the TV racket; why not emulate Sandy Koufax and go out on top?
What do the good people of Illinois get out of this? You folks get the senator who is going to be listened to the most, the one all the Sunday morning shows rush to book to talk about mundane issues like the federal budget.
The only downside I see for anybody is that Oprah obviously would take a pay cut the likes of which planet earth has perhaps never before seen. But seriously, at this point couldn't she live about nineteen lifetimes and not spend all she's already got?
I think Illinois Representative Bobby Rush will be pleased to endorse my suggestion.
Edited to add: hello to Hot Air; many thanks to the site for the link and to the Hot Air readers for their comments!